can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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