Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
