I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just invented taco cereal.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
