We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
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