Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
