She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You left your phone here
Wait...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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