If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
