no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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