This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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