Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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