Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
