Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
