Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
