i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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