I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
