so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
