Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
they're like a gay fantastic four
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
