Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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