he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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