you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
