It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
