I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
