god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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