I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So much rum. So many feels.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
