he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
im about as happy as oj after his trial
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
