Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
