He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
