apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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