I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
