I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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