Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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