What a fucking waste of an outfit
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
