Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
