people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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