I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
