Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
