Need sex. Gaining weight.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
