Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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