My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
