dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
