NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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