I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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