My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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