the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
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why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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