If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
