My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
