Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
