I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
All the doctor said was why
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
