they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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