Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
