My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
