I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
