Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
