you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
