sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
This is the high leading the old right now
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
