Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
A bitchslap is in order.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
