I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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