singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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