My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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