The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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