When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
