just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
