Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
