Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
