My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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