i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
